If she could see me now. You know the me from 10 15 20 years ago?? How what I imagined my life to be is so nowhere near where I imagined myself to be.
20 years ago... I never wanted kids I was going to go to college and be a veterinarian...I was going to travel the world and never get married..
15 years ago... well I thought I was fat.. (may have been the men I was with at the time that made me feel inadequate and just horrible about myself) And I had wondered what God was thinking by giving me this kid.. this human life to take care of.
10 years ago... Ryan was the only child I wanted.. I seriously considered getting my tubes tied.. and I had body image issues..
Today... I am nowhere near as fit as I was 10 years ago.. I was not as fit as I was even 3 years ago. BUT.. I cannot even imagine my life being any different than it is now. I am about 85% comfortable in my skin. I couldn't imagine my life without all 4 of my children. And 90% of the time I am genuinely happy with my life. Although I wonder what the me of yesterday would think of the me today.
When Ryan came home he brought pictures his "butthead gramma" had before she died and when she passed he inherited the ones that had him and I in them. Back when I thought I was "fat" the pictures were a trip to look at.
On a day to day basis things are ok here..I miss my husband more than I thought I would. However this time apart from one another is making me appreciate him again. Makes me realize how much I love him. I am finding the blessings where I can.
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2 comments:
Hugs Cam!
HUGS!!!! I think of you often. And I hear you about thinking about the past you. I know this is not how I imagined my life on so many levels. But wouldn't trade anything to change it.
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