I try I really do. I want to blog more often and throughout the day I think Ohh you need to Blog that.. and then well the days escape me and I forget.
Today is Girl Pants 15th birthday. it is the FIRST time I have not been with him to celebrate his birthday it is the first time I cannot wake him up with kisses and songs of happy birthday to him either. I miss my girl pants. Can I be selfish and tell him its time to come home? can I say I am done sharing my child? I am tired of missing him like this. Tired of feeling like a part of me is gone. I guess on the positive side I should be glad that when the other children are old enough to move out I will have already done it and felt all the pain and anquish. I guess somedays I just feel like it was not because I didn't want him around but rather HE didn't want to be around me anymore that is bothering me. It really messes with your parenting thoughts of yourself. Am I a bad mom? Is that why he chooses to not live with me to come visit me? Am I too hard on the kids? Do I expect too much from them? *sigh* I just want life to be *normal* again whatever that may be.
So in a hour I will call my girlpants wish him a HAPPY wonderful 15th birthday and hope Stepevilmotherbitch doesn't get butthurt that I am calling my child at 6 am. I could have called at midnight..
Anyhow.. sorry this is a short blog I must leave to get the smaller ones from school come home and make CUPCAKES for Babay girls class for tomorrow!! She turns 7 tomorrow YAY BABY GIRL!!
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