Honor among Theives...

A lot of late nights and a lot of tears as of late. The gloomy grey skies seem the sympathize with me and share in my feelings of self doubt and self pity. When they open up and drizzle or dump either way a part of my feels such happiness because I am being related to.. spoken too.

I read a few other blogs and everyone else seems to write so eloquently.. write with purpose with meaning where you can envision what is going on in their lives what their kids are saying doing.. how they are exactly feeling. I feel like when I sit down to write here I am always in such a rush that everything seems to come out discombobulated and not very articulate.

Soo.. with that being said I feel better!
Honor among Thieves..

I am sure everyone has heard that saying at one point and time in their lives.. But dontcha know there is honor among thieves.

In every aspect of life you create friends and a pseudo family no matter where you are.. In your hometown, the town across the way, another county, another state, across the country, or even in a whole new country, You even create a "family" in prisons.

You see when I was younger and I would go to visit my father in a Ca state penitentiary I always wondered who the "BAD GUYS" were. Even though he killed my mom I never saw him as a bad guy he was my daddy.. and to actually envision him with the gun in his hand pointed at her and shooting her was completely unfathomable to me. MY DADDY WOULD NEVER.. How naive I really am.

Well after forever of asking him who the really really real "BAD GUYS" were he told me.. "baby we are all bad in here we all did something that makes us belong here" Now me with my that was not a good enough answer tone and explaining I understood that but there was honor among thieves spiel in my best 12 year old vocabulary..I was told.. "The people we as inmates look down upon are the ones who hurt the children." For the longest time i was OK with such a simple answer because those who hurt the children were the child murderers the child rapists you know the "BAD GUYS!" But ummm excuse me.. When he murdered my mom he hurt me.. So to say they are against the ones who hurt kids is almost just stupid for lack of a better word at 6 am, Those children who watch their moms being beaten.. they are just as hurt. Those who watch their father do illegal things around them.. HELLO BAD GUY YOU ARE HURTING THEM TOO!! Maybe not in the sense of ohh I inflicted bodily harm upon a child but as a adult EVERYTHING we do affects the children. Do you have bathroom issues?? Guess what likely hood your child will mimic you and have some of those issues as well.. food issues.. yep.. kids are going to mimic that one too. THIS I know first hand.. I do not like my food to touch.. I will suck it up and not make a big deal out of it anymore because Girl Pants, Mr. Man, and Baby Girl have ALL mimicked me with the food touching issue.. it drives me crazy and I will think to myself UGH! ICKY YUCK food touching.. But I eat it so as not to totally ruin my children.

So there is honor among thieves.. I don't think so I think they all just look to see who they can deem as worse than themselves to make them feel better about what they have done to make them feel better about hurting people they "love". There is no honor among thieves. Just thieves.

I was also recently told it takes a liar to know a liar.. I never would have thought of it that way. See.. you can tell me something and unless I know you extremely well I will believe what you are telling me even if it seems far fetched.. you may get the.. Seriously??? (thank you Greys Anatomy) No way!! Wow.. because I believe you. Again I am so very Naive... I want to see the good in people I want to believe what they say and not think people would be small enough to tell lies. Although I have found via the Internet it is not OK to be so trusting. I had someone I considered a friend.. a Good friend .. someone I confided in and told things too (shame on me) and she turned around and copy/pasted our conversations and shared them with other people with her own comments on what a Piece of shit I was... Thank you for hurting me.. Had you not hurt me I would still be very trusting when it comes to the Internet. I still think however she owes a LOT of people an apology.

In other news.. Every thing's the same here in Johnsonville..

The children are looking forward to their summer break. I am to a degree and I am not to a degree. The Bubbies no longer nurses during the day but he uses the fact I want sleep to his full advantage and nurses as much as his little tummy can take at night.. he will nurse just to nurse.
He is a Boob man!

He even looks at other women's chests and should you hold him he grabs onto your shirt where your breasts are.. See nursing him I have made yet another breast aficionado!